My name is Melissa Harries, I joined the Army in 2005 as a Psychology Officer. I served six years in Australian Regular Army and another four years in the Reserves.
There was something really romantic about the Army. I remember watching movies as a kid and being so emotional about it, thinking about what young men do overseas and wanting to be a part of that. I think there is a big part of me that wanted to be part of something great.
I was in uniform during a really busy period. I was posted to 1 Psych Unit which was the deployable unit at the time. I was deployed to the Middle East 14 months after I started as a psychologist under the supervision of a few very senior psychologists. It’s more about being in the right place at the right time.
The intensity of the work while you’re overseas is high but it’s so exciting. Particularly the two years I spent at 1 Psych Unit. I spent close to 12 months combined of the two years in 1 Psych Unit overseas in the Middle East and East Timor. It’s so busy but it’s exciting work. All you have to do is work-out, eat and do your work. You get the full autonomy to make decisions about how you do your work, to some extent, on operations.
There was one deployment to East Timor as the embedded Psych and I had only been registered as a psychologist for two days after finishing my internship. I cried for days beforehand as I understood how under-trained I was to be the ONLY psychologist on deployment when there were thousands of military members there relying on me. I had support back in Australia but I knew what I didn’t know. Actually, it was the making of me as a psychologist. I had to step into the discomfort, back myself and make decisions. It was the beginning of the end. Once you’ve made your own decisions in that environment it makes it really hard to cop it on the chin when told ‘NO’ back in Australia.
When I returned from that trip, I was posted to the recruit battalion which is VERY structured. I didn’t mind that aspect of it but within my own chain of command I wasn’t very good at copping it on the chin and I got in trouble quite a bit with my Officer Commanding and Commanding Officer. I was not recommended for promotion because I’d say straight out, ‘I think your decision is shit, and here’s why.’
Part of it was I’d come out of working with an infantry battalion where if you didn’t shout you wouldn’t be heard. So in order to really be effective in that environment you became really brutal and really forthright. Trying to communicate like that back in Australia, off deployment doesn’t work that well.
Am I happy? I have a very meaningful life. It reminds me of one of the mental health questionnaires DVA send out, I swear the last question asks, ‘Do you feel your service made you more resilient or less resilient?’
BOTH.
I’ve found this session with you really difficult as I’ve put a lot of this stuff in a box and I put it over there as something that was part of this hugely meaningful experience I had in uniform. But also, that’s something that’s really hard to talk about. Because it reminds me of periods in my life that even though the work was so exciting and the people amazing, also some of the people were awful and you get treated like shit and get told there’s something wrong with you because you’re distressed because someone you love is facing catastrophic injuries … but something is wrong with YOU because you’re upset about that.
But I have NO regrets about joining the Army. When I think about how successful I am within my business and my work, a huge part of that is because of my experience in the military. That was awful and shouldn’t have happened but I’d do it all again.
I love Anzac Day. A lot of people ask me if I’m wearing my grandfather’s medals but it’s an education piece. They don’t know. It’s very rare that someone accuses me of wearing the medals on the wrong side. People ask genuinely if they are my grandfather’s medals because they don’t know so it becomes an opportunity to educate people about what it means to wear the medals on the left or right. [family members of a deceased veteran are permitted to wear the veteran’s medals but they should be worn on the right to show the wearer is not the original recipient]
I’ve done really interesting things as a psychologist in really interesting places. I got to go around to the small patrol bases when I was in Afghanistan and do mid-deployment screens with search engineers. I’d have those moments and I’d think and wonder what my peers from uni are doing at this moment. It’s not this. It’s interesting work.
The elements in my photo are my medals from deploying to Kuwait, Afghanistan and East Timor, I also provided support to Operation Slipper from Kuwait. I’ve included the notebook I took on every deployment. I brought in my first patch that I got when I deployed as baby psychologist in Kuwait for six weeks. And my Australia flag patch, the one I’m proudest of.
The folder has slips for photos and when I think about the folder, it went everywhere. You’re always moving around, you don’t really have a home so your home is in [the folder] with photos that I’ve chosen.
I’ve chosen this image of me because I think it’s a little bit more authentic. It’s hard talking about the more difficult experiences and while there were many beautiful photos, I think this one is more symbolic of how I feel about my service. Pieces of it were really hard and at the same time it was the making of who I am as person.
I’m not only more resilient I’m also more vulnerable.
This is the story of Melissa Harries as told to Carla Edwards.
